How can I let go of what’s holding me back?
A month or so ago I found an absolute gem of a book in my local library, ‘The French Art of Letting Go’ by Fabrice Midal. On a shamefully superficial level I love a pretty book cover and this had me from the start. The content, however, was so refreshingly interesting I felt it was well worth sharing. The first chapter is titled Stop Meditating, and coming from the Founder of the Western School of Meditation, I was intrigued. Why was he saying to stop something that he’s known for cultivating?
Fabrice Midal is a leading voice in mindfulness and meditation, whose philosophy focuses on the essence of the French art of letting go. Through his teachings and writings, he offers insights into the power of embracing imperfection, cultivating presence, and finding liberation in the act of surrender. ELLE describes the book as “A joyful plea’. Let’s explore more.
The Essence of Letting Go
At the heart of Midal's philosophy lies the notion of letting go – a concept deeply ingrained in French culture and philosophy. Contrary to the pursuit of perfection and control often glorified in contemporary society, letting go invites us to embrace the beauty of imperfection and uncertainty. It's about releasing the grip of expectations and allowing ourselves to be fully present in each moment, just as it is.
‘Midal offers us a new solution to the perennial problem of our too much, too fast modern life. It’s OK he urges us, to say no. It’s fine to quit the things that don’t fulfil you. It’s necessary, in fact, to give yourself a break and say, simply, c’est la vie’. It's about trusting in the wisdom of the universe and finding freedom in letting go of the need to constantly manipulate and micromanage our lives.
STOP!
I was struck by the contents page as every chapter starts with a resounding stop. Stop Meditating, Obeying, Being Wise, Being Calm, Holding Yourself Back, Being Passive, Being Conscious, Wanting To Be Perfect, Trying To Understand Everything, Rationalising, Comparing, Being Ashamed, Tormenting, Wanting To Love and Discipling Your Kids. Wow, that’s what I call a list! Below, I’ve chosen five chapters that resonated with me on a personal level, and with the work I do with my clients.
Stop Meditating
I’ve practiced meditation on and off for 20 years, so why is a founder of a meditation school saying to stop meditating? He states that over the years he’s witnessed the obsession with performance turn toxic. Profitability and usefulness becoming the world’s mantra — and the fact that mediation is in no way exempt to this. We are told that meditation should be used in companies to improve profitability, in schools to realign students’ concentration and efficacy, and at home to feel less stressed. In other words, meditation is linked to achieving an outcome of measured improvement. Contrary to this, Midal sees mediation as actually daring to give yourself a break, so simple and yet so complicated — and having the audacity to actually not try, that is what he calls mediation.
Stop Obeying
Midal explores the idea of obedience and when it feels right and equally when it doesn’t. He talks about rules that he follows because they are freeing to him, for example; he’s punctual for appointments, pays his taxes and prepares for lectures. They feel good. He suggests the problem with obedience lies when we blindly follow and conform to rules simply because it’s a rule. He says we can’t learn to be, to love, or decide anything vital while submitting to another persons’ power. Deep down, no one can advise anyone else. Trusting our own intelligence is an experience on which we so often miss out, because we refuse to allot the slightest trust to what we actually feel.
Stop Being Passive
In this chapter Midal explores the concept of time. He states we need to reexamine our conception of time, and how we view it is currently short sighted. He describes us as prisoners of a division between activity and passivity and that our time is often so full we forget that our time is actually our own. The result is we live in constant impatience, in fear of societal expectations and time bound tasks. Ironically, always being in active mode we are actually being passive to the very system that dictates it. He urges us to stop being passive and reestablish a relationship with our own being and life; that’s where genuine meaning is created. He reflects that he’s often more passive when he’s busying himself, only becoming truly active when he dares to stop everything and to wait and trust.
Stop Wanting to Be Perfect
Midal writes that we have been brought up to forget that in real life, failure is not only inevitable but also necessary. It’s what makes us grow; we do not learn to fail, we fail to learn. That’s the uncomfortable bit! Our obsession with perfection leads us to harass ourselves psychologically in a way that would be punishable by law if we did the same to someone else. It is one of the things that really struck me when I started working as a coach, the fact that how we speak to ourselves is really really destructive, and I would argue akin to bullying. Midal states we should be doing our best, based on where we are, and with the reality we have in front of us.
‘It means no longer evaluating and controlling yourself all the time. It means to live, to enjoy life, be enthusiastic. To leave behind anxiety and experience the stimulation of doing and living. Letting go is based on a sense of confidence, and on being able to laugh at yourself’.
Stop Tormenting Yourself
We are our own worst critics. You’ve probably heard that before but Midal goes on to say that we’re likely to be unaware of this critical voice because it has become so ingrained in us out of habit, we miss the fact it’s rapping our knuckles, torturing us and belittling us. He suggest that we can take the time to observe ourselves on a daily basis and count how many times it happens to realise just how big of a voice it really is.
Treating ourselves with kindness is one of society’s greatest taboos. Values such as learning to be less hard on ourselves, becoming our own friend, not beating ourselves up and feeling guilty are considered egotistical, or a luxury. Is this treating ourselves as a good friend would do? Absolutely not! By injecting a fondness, kindness and less judgemental voice we can lighten the load. Just as we would do naturally for a friend.
The Art and Beauty of Letting Go
There is so much to this little book. As the blurb states ‘It’s time to give yourself a break! You’ve been bossing yourself around for too long. Where has it gotten you? Maye it’s time you follow the example of the French and let it go. Allow yourself to be angry, be tired, be silly, be passionate — to give yourself a break and just simply be’.
‘Midal offers us a new solution to the perennial problem of our too much, too fast modern life. It’s OK he urges us, to say no. It’s fine to quit the things that don’t fulfil you. It’s necessary, in fact, to give yourself a break and say, simply, c’est la vie’.
Et Voila!
If this resonates and you’re curious about how you can start letting go in your life and feel the benefits — connect with me and book in for an initial chat at www.laurenjanecoaching.com
